Relationships Red Flags to Look out for

Relationship red flags to look out for

Red Flags

Red flags are warning signs that indicate unhealthy or manipulative behavior. These signs aren’t always recognizable at first; which is part of what makes them so dangerous. Some examples are; talking only about themselves, withholding affection, and avoiding difficult situations.

Signs to look out for

These are some relationship red flags to look out for

Overly Controlling Behavior. starts to become possessive or controlling of your plans, what you wear, who you hang out with. They try to isolate you from friends and family. This can be a serious sign of emotional abuse.

Low self-esteem. The people closest to you should build you up not break you down.

Physical abuse. This involves a person using physical harm against you. Types of physical abuse are; slapping, shoving, kicking, choking, using weapons and throwing things.

Emotional abuse. This involves controlling another person by using emotions such as citicsize, embarrass, shame or blame. The underlying goal is to control the other person my discredit, isolate and silencing them.

Substance Abuse. This indicates that a person struggles with impulse control and self destructive habits

More signs to look out for

Narcissism. This indicates self obsession and a misplaced sense of importance. Narcissists believe the world revolves around them.

Anger management issues. Anger becomes an issue when it harms others. Some anger issues are; hurting others, breaking objects around you, small/petty things make you angry and getting angry over the same things everyday.

Constant Jealousy. It is natural to feel jealous if your partner is spending a lot of time with others. But it is not an excuse to cloud your judgement.

Gas Lighting. This is a common tactic of manipulation. It is a form of emotional abuse in which the manipulator will make you question your own sanity of judgment. It is a way to make you feel guilty whether or not they did anything wrong. Examples are; I didn’t say that, Your too sensitive.

Love Bombing. This is when you rush a relationship too fast. If they start to say early on ” I can’t live without you” this means they are invested early on. They will talk about having a future and shower you with affection and get you to fall for them. Then they become difficult, abusive and manipulative.

Describe their ex’s as “crazy. Some relationships end badly and we might still hold a grudge for years to come. But if a new partner talks about all their “crazy” ex’s chances are they are the actual problem

Don’t ignore the red flags

If you notice something that is wrong or even makes you feel a certain way. Do not ignore it. Sometimes we ignore red flags in a relationship because we really want it to work out or you get caught up.

My Story

When I was 17 I met this guy in high school and I thought he was great. He was tall, dark and handsome. I thought he was the one. We started dating and there were tons of red flags but I ignored them. He was very jealous, he had anger issues, he would throw things and not care about my feelings.

We got engaged when I was 19 and we moved in together. When it was good it was good. When it was bad it was bad. He got angry over stupid things. He would get mad at me for everything. There were days we wouldn’t talk at all. If I was emotional he would make fun of me instead of comforting me.

Things got worse

Things got worse as the years progressed. He would throw things and break things. All of my doors had holes in them from him punching them. There were holes in the wall at the bottom of our stairs from him throwing shoes. In our living room we had an entertainment center with glass doors. He shattered them twice by getting mad and throwing the remote through them.

We had a fight one day because I was going somewhere and he did not want me to go. When I got home he had locked the door and refused to let me in. I had to keep banging. We didn’t speak for almost 2 weeks after that. He pushed me against our closet door one day and kept yelling at me; he punched the door above my head.

He was emotionally and verbally abusive. After 12 years together I finally decided I had enough. I told him it was over and he had to move out. He didn’t go that easily but after a few weeks he packed all of his stuff and moved out.

I remember in high school a teacher handed me a paper and it had a poem on it. I still have it to this day. Read the poem. She told me he had anger issues and I should be careful.

If you are in an abusive relationship you should get help before it is too late !

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