Is Texting an Ex and hiding it from your spouse cheating?

Is texting an ex considered cheating?

A friend of mine was in a similar situation. She accidently read a text message on her husband’s phone. The text was between him and his ex. It started with good morning sexy. They discussed their day and a few more texts. My friend was livid. Her and her husband had been married over 10 years and have 2 kids together. Her initial reaction was to throw the phone at him, which she did. She then decided to go through their phone records. What she found was shocking.

She was able to get phone records for 16 months prior. He had been talking and texting his ex very frequently. The texting was almost on a daily basis for hours while both spouses were at work. Once she had all the evidence, she confronted him. He could not deny it and admitted to texting and talking to her frequently. He stated that nothing was going on and that he just needed someone to talk to.

My friend did think about leaving him. But they did take vows and they have kids together. He did beg her to stay and not to break up their family. He said he did not love or have any feelings for his ex. The question was did he actually cheat? She felt like he did cheat on her even if he was not intimate with her. He spent hours on end texting someone that was not his wife.

Is texting an ex considered cheating? Here are some of the readers comments:

Dana

Not good. He knows it. Even if it’s not called “cheating” it is inappropriate to have an ongoing exchange with a woman that has to be secretive. How she handles it will be up to her.

Lauren

Anything you have to hide or lie about is wrong. Cheating? Maybe, maybe not. But it’s wrong.

I think forgiveness would be more possible with therapy. Ownership on his part of his wrong doing is key for forgiveness as well.

Vanessa

It would depend on the contexts of the text messages that she was reading there is such thing called “emotional cheating” and that hurts more than physically being with somebody because you are giving another woman loving emotions that should only be given to your wife.

Melissa

I would say not cheating but lying and very hurtful. It’s going to destroy the trust all the same. It has to be dealt with and worked through. It’s too damaging to live on the fence.

Kenya

Every relationship is different, and woman and men tolerate different things, but if you took vows, domestic violence and cheating are deal breakers, men as well as woman, just get more deceptive and better at hiding things. There are multiple factors that are not mentioned, how I would deal with something like this if it were my husband, like how long married, do they have kids, was this done as revenge, do husband wife work opposite shifts??? Like lots of questions that led up to this and we are only hearing one side.

Talking over 1.5 years, that’s definitely an emotional attachment, they had a lot to talk about, hence the “sexting”, so he was lying next to his wife texting someone else or taking time away from his kids, tension does not mean stray, tension means communicate. There was no tension and so what if there was, what marriages don’t have tension, that means one or the other reached out and they were super comfortable cause they dated before, so your friend knows the text weren’t just how was your day? And your friend also knows she wasn’t playing no damn games on her husband’s phone because she has her own phone, she suspected something looked through his found and found what she was looking for, now reality has slapped her in the face and I would slap his azz with some divorce papers, I would never trust again. He should have done that shit before taking vows!!!

Ame

Anything you would not do with someone else in the presence of your spouse, physically or emotionally, is cheating.

Caitlyn

If he felt the need to hide it, then clearly lines were crossed. Maybe not physically but emotionally. If she’s just a friend, then he wouldn’t feel the need to hide it from his wife. I think it depends on the content of the messages, but if he’s calling her “sexy” I feel like that explains enough.

Cristian

He was cheating and clapping cheeks.

Crystal

This thread makes me so incredibly thankful for Patrick. I see couples all of the time with tension because one of them has wandering eyes and lewd comments. It is one thing to joke in mixed company, but totally another to text and hide it.

Also, if he hid it and lied about it and it hurt her feelings it is wrong. If he says things to her that would be inappropriate in person with you there it is wrong.

Tony

It’s not cheating but it’s a different kind of wrong. Cheating isn’t the only bad thing. Calling her sexy means, he’s still keeping her in his life in a romantic way. It wouldn’t be wrong if it was just harmless and platonic, and he was open about talking to her. In a way they say that’s “emotional cheating” but that’s not a real transgression. You just have to confront him and asks who he wants to be with because if he wants to stay, he needs to cut out that crap. At the same time, you’d be perfectly right if you just decided to end things with him because 1.5 years is a long time. You wouldn’t know if he’s been calling her sexy the whole time so you might need some answers.

This happened to her over 2 years ago. After it initially happened she was very upset and felt betrayed. She thought long and hard about what she should do. After a few months she decided that she should forgive him and try and move on. That is what she did. But it has been over 2 years and she still is not past it. It still haunts her. Did she make the right decision in staying? She did not want to disrupt her kids lives and she does love her husband.

Conclusion

She decided to stay in her marriage but she did tell her husband that if he talks to her again she is leaving. He swore he would never talk to her again. This happened 2 years ago and she is still having a hard time getting past it. She is considering couples counseling.

Is texting an ex considered cheating? Check out this article in Women’s health magazine

Has this ever happened to you before? Do you think her husband cheated? Would you stay or would you go?

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