Gaslighting

Gaslighting

Do you know what gaslighting is? Does your partner repeatedly say things that confuse you? Because of this, do you often start questioning your own perception of reality within your relationship? Do you question your sanity altogether? If so, your partner may be using what mental health professionals call “gaslighting.”

Where does the term come from?

The term comes from the play called “Gas Light” from 1938.It was later turned into a movie. Its where a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights (which were powered by gas) in their home. He denies that the lights changed when his wife points it out. He convinces her that she is only imagining it and she eventually begins to doubt her own perceptions and sanity.

Form of abuse

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that causes the victim to question their own feelings, instincts and sanity. It usually starts out gradual in a relationship. The actions seem harmless at first. But these abusive patterns continue and the person can become confused, anxious, isolated and depressed.

Then can actually lose all sense of what is actually happening.

What does gaslighting look like?

” You’re crazy- that never happened”

“Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory

“It’s all in your head”

Denying they said or did things (but you know they did)

minimizing or discrediting your emotions

refusing to accept responsibilities for their actions

• you second guess yourself
• you ask yourself “Am I too sensitive” often
• you often feel confused or crazy
• you are apologizing to your partner
• you can’t understand why your not happy
• you make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family
• you have trouble making simple decisions
• you feel hopeless

How gaslighting happens

These are the techniques that gaslighters use to manipulate someone:

• Withholding– meaning he or she refuses to listen or says they don’t understand
• Countering when the abuser questions the gaslightee’s memory of an event
• Blocking/diverting (when the abuser changes the subject or questions the victim’s thinking)
• Trivializing (making the victim’s needs or feelings seem unimportant)
• Forgetting/denial (when the manipulator pretends to have forgotten what actually happened or denies something he or she had previously agreed to)

Gaslighting is intentional

This means it’s typically not one isolated incident but a pattern of behavior that causes you to question yourself and your perception of reality. It is a form of manipulation.

Some examples of gaslighting

• “Sarah’s partner would steal her money and then tell her she was careless and lost it”
• “Molly’s boyfriend hid her phone and told her she lost it, to confuse her and to prevent her from communicating with others”
• “Emily’s husband would steal her keys and then tell her she lost them”
• “Samantha asked her husband where the yellow lamp was in the living room and her husband replied what lamp? She replied the lamp that has always been on the table. The husband replied there was never a lamp on the table”.

Why does gaslighting work?

Gaslighting works cause you want to trust the person gaslighting you. Also, it isn’t always obvious, sometimes it’s an attempt to look out for you. The primary goal of gaslighters is to keep the victim hooked.

What happens to the brain during gaslighting?

When your being gaslit you may feel a constant sense of fear and anxiety. Which can make you feel paranoid. Over a long period of time, the constant fear and anxiety can have a negative impact on the brain.

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