Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior in a relationship that is used to gain power or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic abuse can be mental, physical, economic or sexual in nature.

Recognizing the symptoms of domestic abuse

• Does your partner make fun of you in front of family and friends?
• Make you feel like you cannot make decisions?
• Make you feel bad about yourself?
• Put down your accomplishments?
• Tell you that you are nothing without them
• Treat you roughly- push, hit, smack, grab or shove you?
• Won’t let you go out with friends
• Calls to make sure you are where you said you would be
• Makes you feel like you “have no way out”?
• Tells you “no one will want you”
• Calls you names
• Do they blame you for how they feel?

Are you;

• Scared because of their behavior
• Constantly making excuses for your partner’s behavior
• Try not to make your partner angry, avoiding conflicts
• Always do what your partner wants versus what you want to do
• Stay with your partner cause your afraid of what will happen if you leave

Signs of an abusive relationship

Do you fear your partner? If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them (constantly having to watch how you act and what you say to avoid a blowout) chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. If he tries to belittle you or control you that is a sign also.

Different Types of Abuse

Physical:

• hurting your partner by hitting, smacking, shoving, grabbing, biting, slapping, choking
• denying medical care
• force you to consume alcohol or drugs
• does your partner have a bad temper

Emotional:

• calls you names or insults you
• does not trust you and acts jealous
• isolates you from family and friends
• controls and refuses to share money
• expects you to ask permission to do things
• humiliates you
• does not want you to work
• threatens to hurt you, your children or family

Signs you might be in a physically abusive relationship

• throws things, damages property, kicks walls and punches doors
• pushes, slaps, smacks or chokes you
• abandons you in unfamiliar territory
• scares you by driving wrecklessly
• threatens to hurt you, with or without a weapon
• traps you and won’t let you leave
• prevents you from getting medical attention or from calling the police
• hurts your children
• uses physical force in sexual situations
• does your partner have a bad temper

Even if physical violence has not occured, many people are emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be just as frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand. Domestic Violence.

I Got Flowers Today- Poem

I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night. He said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he was sorry and didn’t mean the things he said. Because I got flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. And it was much worse than all other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I’ m afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me. He beat me to death.

If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.

This poem is dedicated to all the victims and survivors of Domestic Violence. ❤💙♥💕

My story

I met my ex when we were in our senior year of high school. I thought he was so hot. He was tall, dark, handsome and had a tongue ring. He was the epidemy of a “bad boy”. We started dating shorty after we met. It started out good but there were signs that I ignored. I was in a class and my teacher pulled me aside and handed me a piece of paper and told me to read it. When I opened it; it was the I got Flowers Poem from above.

He got jealous if another guy talked to me. There was a day I was talking to a guy on the bus and he got on the bus, grabbed the guy by the shirt and pulled him over seats and punched him. All because we were talking. He didn’t seem to care about my feelings at all.

We got engaged and moved in together when I was 19. He had a nasty mouth. He would call me names and curse me out. When it was good it was good. When it was bad it was bad. I remember our first night in our apartment I made something in the oven and it burned and he started yelling and screaming. He hurt his back and needed surgery. I got him a hospital bed and we put it in the living room. He got mad one day and took the remote and threw it through the glass wall unit shattering the glass. He did that a few times.

Signs there were issues

When he would get mad he would throw things. He through shoes right through the wall. He punched holes in all my doors, he broke my glass closet doors. I was sitting on the couch one day planning on the computer and he said to get off of it cause it was his. When I refused, he picked up the glass end table and threw it.

If I cried over something he would belittle and make fun of me. He could call me a baby.

He had no job and did not drive. I was in college and working. He did very little to help around the house. I always thought I could change him but that wasn’t the case. There was another time I went to further my career by shadowing a physician with a male friend. He did not speak to me at all during the day and when I got home, he had locked the front door. He refused to let me into the house. After I got into the house, we did not speak for 10 days. It was a very unhealthy relationship.

Ending it

I knew that things were not going to get any better. Things were just getting worse. I basically had lost all feelings for him and did not want to continue in the relationship. I told him it was over. He did not take it well. We had been together for 11 years at this time. But he made me feel worthless, undeserving and unhappy. His parents didn’t want him at home, so I let him stay with me until he found a place. But that didn’t last long cause I found out he was seeing someone else. He moved out shortly after. He did text me for months later saying he was sorry and wanted to marry me. Eventually he stopped texting. Years later he is still with the same woman. They live together, not married and no kids. But he is no better.

The best thing I did was leave that relationship. I have been married now for almost 12 years and have 2 children. A boy aged 11 and a girl aged 8. I do have some PTSD episodes from time to time, but I am working on that.

Domestic Violence

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