Coping with family tragedy
Coping with family tragedy
Imagine this…..your an only child and your mom gets diagnosed with cancer and passes away 8 months later. The hardest day of your life is the day you have to bury your mother. I was getting ready for the wake of my mother and my dad calls and says he fell and needs help…..little did I know what this day would bring me. Here is my story (it is a bit of a tear jerker)😥
The Back story:
My mom passed away from cancer in 2019 (this is in another of my blogs). It was a very rough road. My mom was diagnosed with Lung cancer in October 2018. She unfortunately did not do well with chemo and radiation. She went on hospice in July 2019 and passed away 2 weeks later.
The Incident:
I was getting dressed the morning of my mother’s wake and my dad called and said he had fallen. He refused to let me call an ambulance. He said just come here. I said ok and told my husband to get my kids ready and I would meet him at the funeral home. When I got to my dads house, there he is sitting in a chair ( my cousin lived downstairs and he got him up off the floor) but he looked “out of it” he wasn’t making much sense when he was talking and his left side was weak. When I walked into his living room I noticed that his table and chairs were knocked over. I got him in the car and drove him to urgent care. After the doctor came in she stated he needed to go to the ER. My dad was confused and was having left sided weakness. They immediately called an ambulance. Coping with family tragedy
Arriving at the hospital:
When I arrived at the hospital they asked a bunch of questions. My main concern is that he was on a high dose of a blood thinner and he had fallen. The doctor ordered a head CT stat. I went down with him and waited in the hallway. Within 10 minutes I see a doctor come flying by me and said that they saw something on the scan. She viewed the scan and then said that he has a “massive brain bleed” and that he will need surgery asap. They brought him back to the ER where I was introduced to the trauma team and the neurosurgeon. They explained that he had a massive brain bleed and his brain actually shifted and if they don’t go in now and operate he won’t survive.
I then explained to everyone in the room that my mom died 3 days ago and today is her wake and I am an only child. The whole room got silent. They had no words. The neurosurgeon said that he needed to take him for surgery immediately. He said that he has to try and reverse the blood thinner in his body but that due to the high dose chances are that not all of it will be out of the body. The surgeon stated that most likely he will not survive. He said that there is a good chance that he will bleed out once I open him up (I told the doctor I am an RN so please don’t sugar coat anything).
Feelings of loneliness
I can’t explain the feeling I felt. My mom literally just died and now you are telling me that my dad will probably die. I didn’t know how to deal with the feelings that I felt. I asked the doctor what is the next step. He stated they were going to reverse the blood thinner and take him up for surgery which would be about 10-12 hours. I felt so bad that I couldn’t stay for the surgery but I had to go to my mom’s wake. I signed all the consent forms and said goodbye to my dad, in hopes this wouldn’t be the last time I saw him. The doctor made me remove my dads cross from his neck. I took it off and put it around my neck. I prayed and said to my mom that I couldn’t lose both parents in the same week.
The Wake:
By then everyone had heard about my dad. I still just felt numb, almost emotionless. I tried to mourn the loss of my mom while thinking about my dad. The surgeon called after the surgery and said that the next 24-36 hours were critical but that he had survived the surgery.
After surgery:
I went up to ICU and they let me in to see him and I was horrified. I am a nurse so I knew what I would be seeing but when its a family member it’s completely different. He was laying in the bed with tubes everywhere, catheter in, no skull on the left side and drains everywhere. All I could think about was that he looked horrible, but he was alive. He was going to be sedated most of the day and they would do hourly neuro checks.
How do I deal with all of his ? :
I was sitting there looking at my dad and realizing he was alive but would he pull through and if he did what would his deficits be. Missing my mom was the worst feeling also. I have no siblings and my husband was home with my kids. I felt so lost and alone and was unsure know how this was going to all play out.
How do you cope with loss of a parent when your other parent is fighting for their lives ?? There will be a part 2 to this blog so check back for an update !!
Some information on Lung Cancer
Coping with family tragedy
